Hyoseo
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brain-dumps

Biggest Red Flag

Topic Nothing is granted
Area Philosophy
Summary
A reflection on the internal standards used to filter social connections, identifying the assumption of entitlement as the ultimate red flag. The author argues that since existence and talent are products of luck, active gratitude is a moral necessity.

Where it all started

Even the title of this post is The biggest red flag, it is actually not about my ideal type. It will be a blog about my value, priority, and attitude of life. I do have some clear standard to judge people, I know I shouldn’t and I do think my standard is pretty correct.

Anyway, Let’s move on to the topic and talk about it. it is really difficult to find out when is the first time I think about this topic. Because I already have my standard in my heart. I didn’t even noticed that exsisted until I think about it. Few years ago, I kind of revised my social life, and realized my friends all has something in common, and people who don’t have those charicteristics won’t be able to be my friend.

This is not a good thing because it means I discriminate people based on their personality. But whatever, it is just a result of observation. There is no right and wrong here. there is only correct and incorrect.

There are more characteristics but some key charicteristics where like this.

There are much more than that, but these three are key and I could find the reason of them. Firstly, introvert. Since I prefer hangging out inside with device or boardgame, the one who prefer else more, would just leave me. Secondly, no aggressiveness. This one is also pretty straight forward because I was a coward who don’t want to get close to aggressive people. Lastly understand the mechanism of society. this shares some idea with no aggressiveness. However, this one shows more about studying. this is kind of obedience to the system.

meeting various people

Here comes a reason why I brought this topic. During the military, I met so much people that is unlike my and my friend. Friends in elementary school shares many things in common such as living town, parent’s age, social level. There is a reason why they are gathered. However military is different. Every male in Korea has to go to military, and in that process, everyone can be my military mate.

If you undestand some mathematics, choosing people I meet at the military is random sampling. they just choose people by random. And you have to live with them for 18 months. And if you are not lucky, it is really difficult to meet someone who actually fit to you. In this perspective, I really think I’m pretty lucky. Or world is just a better place than I thought.

During the military, I had to thought about this. Also, I have to think about my old friends. when I get some friend, I tend to hang out with only few people, 2 or 3. It doesn’t mean other hated me, especially during elementary school, everyone liked me. However, because of the personality difference, I just hang out with only few friends. But after the new semester comes out, I used to stop contacting them just because I’m lazy. so I realized that only few people left around me.

Therefore, I find something in common from them, and realized that I’d never be friend with some signals. which is the red flag.

The red flag

To say the conclusion first, my redflag is taking everything for granted. I believe you should think grateful for everything you get. It is pretty extreme level, but to give some example, I think I should be grateful to the fact that a person next to you doesn’t murder you for no reason. Well, you might think it is too much, but you cannot say nothing about it if that actually happens. It is wrong, but you cannot expect everyone to not do anything wrong.

The murder example is pretty exaggerated, But the point of this is you should be thankful to everything, literally everything you get. I do feel grateful for my parent’s life, people treating nice to me, not having a congenital disability, and my talent. I really think everyone should have this feeling because, there are people who doesn’t have that and I get them just because I was lucky.

Here, I was lucky means I didn’t do anything to get them. I literally did nothing to get my talents. it just came to me, and some people didn’t get them. they have different talent I don’t have, but I’m not talking about them, since I already got too much.

Therefore, one should not taking everything for granted even it seems so normal. There is always someone who fight their life for normal things.

standard to others

I don’t ask this strict and extreme standard to others. I think I have more strict moral standard to myself, so I cannot expect this to everyone. However, I ask for some minimal standard of gratefulness.

People should be grateful to other’s favor

‘Favor’ here, means something you do for good intention. If someone give you a candy to make you feel better, it is a favor, and you should be grateful to it. If someone hold the door for you until you pass it, it is a favor, and you should be grateful to it.

Another point here is that others never know what you have in mind. which means feeling the gratefulness isn’t enough. you should say “Thank you” to express them, and let them know.

It doesn’t only work for my favor, it applies to every favor others get. If my friend got favor from other, and didn’t say anything without reason, I’m not gonna think good about it.

I think this way becuase I think that is right. Also, showing the gratefulness acutally rewards the person who provide the favor, so I believe it encourages good in the society.

But as I say, I don’t think others should have the same thought. that’s not granted. So I don’t make others to say thank you. However, I can filter people based on this standard.

This is why the idea become my red-flag. there is only few people that actually fits to my standard. I just hope this idea spread.